You found the ONE and she said YES!
Now, what’s a GROOM to do?
Relatively speaking, GROOMS have had it pretty easy when it comes to wedding planning since it’s usually the bride who is much more invested and interested in ALL THE DETAILS, but as the modern man we know you are, being involved with planning your big day is important to you too! While you may not concern yourself too much with flower arrangements, table centerpieces, and instagramable backdrops, there are a few tasks before, during, and after the wedding that are duties made especially for you. Join us, and explore what a groom can do in this MANual.
Planning YOUR BIG DAY, remember this is about you too…
Have an open conversation about what details matter most to each of you, get feedback if necessary, and team up with your professional wedding planner however, there are certain logistics when planning a wedding that are best chosen by you & your beautiful bride alone.
- Budget – Together, choose a target amount and create a budget. Have an honest discussion on what is most important and how you want to structure the budget. Are you two bankrolling this on your own? Will parents or family members be assisting and if so, how much input do they have in the details? It is your responsibility to handle all communication regarding contributions received from your side of the family, as it is your bride’s responsibility to handle her side.
- Wedding Planner – When structuring your budget with your bride, discuss hiring a wedding planner so you both don’t get overwhelmed before and on the day of and, can enjoy the process. A professional wedding planner knows the industry, has insider information, can provide you with reliable vendors, and will handle all of the details so you don’t have to. Plus, they will keep you focused and on track throughout the planning process.
- Venue – Selecting a venue you both love is crucial. Your choice of venue impacts so many other aspects of the wedding planning process such as the date, guest count, catering, availability, etc.
- Date – Select your wedding date – explore dates that are important to both of you, e.g., when you first met, your first date or favorite time of year, and yes, sometimes, it just comes down to selecting a date based on your venue’s availability.
- Ceremony details
- Vows- to write your own or not. It’s a personal preference, just be sure that both of you agree to do it or not at all. If you do write your own, be natural and speak from the heart.
- Style – identify specific readings, significant symbolism, and/or cultural traditions that are important to you both.
- Guest List: To invite or not to invite…this can be the most challenging part of any wedding and could be a high-stress point in the planning phase. So, create two to three lists, a.) the non-negotiables/i.e. the must-haves, b.) definitely want to squeeze you in, and c.) we would love to have you there, if and only if, budget permits.
- Style: This is not about the details but, it is about having a say on what the overall vibe of the wedding is. After all, this is about both of you and it should reflect aspects of each of your personalities.
On your own, but not quite….
All decisions are best made jointly or at the very least discussed with the bride (and vice versa) However, the following are your duties to book, coordinate, and execute.
- Marriage license – This little detail sometimes gets overlooked and forgotten until the last minute. Take the lead and make this task a fun and exciting date with your bride, as you both will need to be present, most often at the county clerk’s office. Don’t forget to bring your ID. Your licensed officiant will also need to sign in order to make it official in the eyes of the state.
- Be sure to consult the specific marriage laws & license protocol in your county/state.
- Selecting your Groomsmen & Best man – Choose wisely, these men will likely be the closest to you in various relationships, are fun yet responsible and always give you sound advice, as they will literally keep you sane throughout the process! Your best man is the best of these men.
- Rings – Nowadays, most couples add this as a joint expense and complete this task together. If you go the traditional route, shop for the brides’ band on your own and she will do the same….but then again, don’t you want to make sure it’s a style you like??
- Attire – You will have to get the ball rolling with your gents, which may at times be a tricky task as you have to coordinate sizings, try-ons, and more. So, if your men aren’t in town, plan ahead to ensure proper fitting tuxedos, suits or…whatever it is you all are wearing.
- Honeymoon – whether this is a joint decision or you want to surprise your bride, take the lead on this one by calling up hotels and reserving activities/tours. Let them know you’re booking for your honeymoon to see if they offer any special discounts and/or upgrades!
- Rehearsal Dinner – Create the guest list, make reservations, and if your parents are footing the bill, which is what is done traditionally, be sure to effectively communicate your bride’s wishes.
- Groomsmen gifts – they don’t have to be expensive, just thoughtful. Select something that makes you think about your relationship with them. The best time to hand them out is at the rehearsal dinner.
- Gratuity for vendors – hand the sealed envelopes to your wedding coordinator at your rehearsal, this is the last thing you want or need to worry about on the day of.
Your WEDDING Day….
Without a doubt, this is one of the most important, meaningful, and memorable days of your life. At this point, your wedding planner has it all under control, so this gives you the opportunity to:
- Be on time – Follow the curated timeline and, know that your wedding coordinator will ensure you are on time as well.
- Prep the Groom’s room – have plenty of water and snacks. Don’t forget to eat a little something. Keep your drinking to a minimum and know your limit (especially before the ceremony), because you want to be standing upright at the altar.
- BE PRESENT – Be aware of all the meaningful moments, whether it’s the private first look, the first touch, the exchange of a gift or note before the ceremony, or the one-of-kind moments and conversations with your siblings and/or parents before you become…a married man!
- Thank You Toast – As the host, it’s up to you to give a thank you toast. Let your guests know how grateful you are that they have come to celebrate this monumental day by giving a short toast at the end of the speeches. Be sure to directly address those who contributed and above all, your new spouse.
FYI: In Case of Emergency
- On the day of your wedding, you become the point person to authorize any changes and to assist in the de-stress of your bride…should anything go off plan. Chances are, a blip in the plan could occur, which in most cases is unnoticeable or insignificant in the grand scheme of things, especially when you have a wedding coordinator. However, it is You who must remind her at the end of the day…no matter what happens, you’ll be waiting for her at the end of the aisle.
- Rely on and trust in your wedding planner. It is our job to solve any and all problems, should they arise on the day of, because in your dreams, every detail matters.
After the Honeymoon…
- Write and send thank you notes, either by splitting them up evenly or by addressing them, adding postage, and taking them to the post office.
- And now, breathe and settle in…this is the beginning of your happily. ever. after!